New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
