absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
