as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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