last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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