I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
