she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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