well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
