Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
