Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
