who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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