cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
