and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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