...so i touched it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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