Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
