My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
