the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
