...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
