He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
