Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
