I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
