if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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