i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
