apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I've blown a few things in my day
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
