I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
