Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
