i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
