Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
