i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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