I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
