I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
