just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
