Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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