Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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