I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
