apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
