don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
