white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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