Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
