Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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