A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
