she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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