Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
