Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
