the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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