I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
