sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
