Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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