I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
