forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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