about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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