When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
