you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
